It came into my mind on what our life is, if my father is still alive. I don’t really know but I am happy with what is going on. I am not happy because he is not physically around but because there are two of them watching my mother and my siblings. I don’t really pray for myself. I just don’t, because I believed that a prayer is more powerful if it comes from others. Of course, I do say thank you if something good happens.
When a person dies, the one you dearly loved, it changes you! When I lost my father, I was just 17 years old. My mind was not ready for any responsibilities as I grew up as being a carefree person. I don’t know how to grief. One thing I remember is, I almost passed out when I heard the news. I just can’t believe it! My mind went blank that time and my vision was pitch-black. That was really painful! My father is such a good person. Of course, he is my father! He is a good husband. I remember when he and my mother had a fight once, he would went up to our house bringing a bottle of beer and cry. He was never ashamed of showing his tears to us. He is soft when it comes to his family, to my mom specifically but he has a firm stand on his principles and belief. He died for it. I never saw him hit my mother, and she concur as I asked her. Sometimes when they’re fighting my mom would left in our house and he will took off also just to find her.
Their marriage was not perfect and so with their love for each other.
There is this memory that I loved to look back with my father.
When I was on my 6th grade, I got a stomachache. Probably because I did not eat my breakfast well and I was chewing bubble gum. As soon as my father heard about it, he immediately went to my school and carry me until we reaches our house. Our house is not that far from school but the road to reach it is like a roller coaster, lots of ups and downs. While I was on his shoulder, I felt his love and I really missed it.
Another is when we visited our old house and we were cutting down grasses as it was so tall surrounding the house. It was the first house that they built together (with my mother). I also grew up there. He would encourage me to be more active or be more energetic to it. The funny thing is he was the first one to ask for a rest. He can’t stand daylight that much. That’s why as he told us, my grandfather sent him to school because he can’t plow.
It stops here. I am a bit sleepy.